Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
