P.S. I can't hear my feet
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
