I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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