My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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