Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
