I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
