I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
