I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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