its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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