Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
