He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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