Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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