hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Randomize
