dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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