I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
