so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
