Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
