It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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