Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
