how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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