He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
