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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
