absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
