what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
