im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
