I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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