she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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