I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
