So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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