Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
