I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
