She is in my trunk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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