I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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