I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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