I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so let's talk penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
