I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
