We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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