I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
