Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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