took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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