weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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