if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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