I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
