piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
