I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
