apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
