we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
