so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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