why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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