my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
