Tell her she can't have a vagina
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
