I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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