Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
