Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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